Destination #12: Crashing weddings in Israel

Wednesday 1 September 2010 - Sunday 12 September 2010

After a couple of days rest following our South American adventures (and of course catching up on the football, which eventually literally made our TV implode), we dragged ourselves on a plane again, this time with final destination Tel Aviv.

The trip got off to a rocky start due to an altercation with Israeli border control, who bluntly ignored my desperate pleas and put a big stamp in my passport rather than putting it on a separate piece of paper as requested. I got a better treatment at the Chilean-Bolivian border from the massively corrupt Bolivian custom agents than what I got at Tel Aviv's Ben Gurion airport. Anyway, let's call it karma as a week earlier, our friend Kingsley spent over an hour in a small room at Schiphol Airport trying to explain what a Nigerian investment banker from London thought he was going to do in Amsterdam for a weekend. Grand conclusion of this all is that any trips to Bahrain or Beirut are now firmly off the agenda, at least on this passport, and that Kingsley will think twice before going back to Amsterdam.

After a month of back-packing through South America we felt we deserved some luxury. So we spent an afternoon struggling through a pile of travel magazines before booking our trip and I can say the hotels didn't disappoint. We had a fantastic time in Jerusalem's funky Mamilla Hotel, which boasts a very chilled-out rooftop bar together with a private sun-deck on its top floor. As per Conde Nast's recommendation make sure to get room 706 for a perfect view over the old city. Also Sunday Times' Traveller's favourite boutique hotel in Tel Aviv - the 12 room Montefiore Hotel - is something worth coming back for, if only for the fact that breakfast is being served until 17:00. We loved it.

The real reason for our trip was of course to act as true "wedding crashers" for Shaul and Tamar's wedding in Ma'ale Hachimasha. A beautiful wedding which, with circa 450 people, we were told, is deemed to be a "small" affair for Israeli standards... It was also a good occasion to say goodbye to my 5-week old Che Guevara bushy beard. I have found out that having a beard has many advantages, the biggest being that food tends to get stuck in it so you will never go hungry (not that the latter is an issue which I struggle with as many of you know).

Meeting the extended Israeli part of the family was a real treat, we were invited for lunches, dinners and we even managed to squeeze in a breakfast. It was a real pleasure to, see again (for Emma) / meet for the first time (for RJ), the Israeli part of the family. Special thanks to David, Audrey, Shaul, Tamar, Gallia, Nadav, Yariv, Moran, Nick and Nelly for making our stay so memorable.

So what else did we get up to? Well we lounged at Tel Aviv’s superb beaches, met up with our dear friends Danny and Hester, visited the hugely impressive Yad Vashem holocaust museum, admired the Wailing Wall, managed to get lost in Jerusalem's old city, were close to buying some David Kracov shadow-boxes from the hip Jerusalem art gallery Eden Fine Art and of course had loads of food, from kebabs to spicy peppers and from falafel to humus. So here come our restaurant recommendations for Tel Aviv: Itzik haGadol restaurant for some traditional humus, Yakimono for the best sushi in town and for the best ice-creams make your way over to the renovated old train station, Tachana.

With two stamps in my passport richer we left Israel 10 days later, this time without a bushy beard but with a big belly.

Next stop: Destination #13: Fat Camp in France

Destination #11: Watching the sun come up at Machu Picchu (Peru)

Sunday 15 August 2010 - Friday 27 August 2010

We spent two weeks in Peru, but to be brutally honest, Peru is all about Machu Picchu, the rest is more about going through the motions of actually getting there.

Yes we did go to Copacabana (no, not the one from the song), yes we went to the largest lake in the world above 2,000m (Lake Titicaca), yes I found myself a new mum and found God at the same time (well sort of) during our home-stay (we stayed with the lovely big mama Julia and her son Jesus for a night in Luquina), yes, the floating Uros islands on Lake Titicaca are just another tourist trap, yes Elvis is still alive, he is running for mayor in Cusco, and finally, no, they clearly have never heard of offside in Peru (we lost 3-2 against a bunch of kids at an altitude of c. 3,500).

So after having passed through the completely forgettable city of Puno, and following another 8hrs bus ride we finally arrived in Cusco, the gateway to Machu Picchu. Cusco was the capital of the Inca empire before the Spanish moved the capital to the port city of Lima in 1535 (apparently the clueless Spanish invaders chose Lima as new capital in January, one of the few months in the year the city is not covered in thick layers of fog. When they discovered their mistake it was too late to reverse the decision).

We really enjoyed Cusco. I know it is just another backpackers' paradise and the only reason everyone is there is to go on to Machu Picchu, but the place has something. Maybe it is Jack's, the best lunch-place in the whole of Peru. Their burgers and pancakes are divine and definitely worth the wait. Or maybe it was the completely over the top restaurant Fallen Angel, which has bathtubs - with real goldfish swimming in them - as dinner tables. Maybe even better is that the local football club, Club Cienciano, won the Copa Sudamericana a couple of years ago, by beating the mighty River Plate from Argentina in the final (the European equivalent of this would be QPR beating Real Madrid in the Champions League final, i.e. extremely unlikely).

Having missed out on the final permits for the Inca Trail, we were adopted by the salsa and karaoke-mad tour-leader Carlos and his GAP group. So with a bunch of guys from Brighton (Joe, "speedy gonzales" Chelsea and Chris), two Nottingham natives (Gemma and Dan) and one lost German giant (Alfred) we embarked on one of the alternative Inca treks: the 3-day Lares Trek.

With Carlos having decided that boozing with his ladyfriends in Cusco had his preference over struggling through the Peruvian Andes with us, our local guides El Gato (which means "The Cat") and Edith took charge.

Emma loved hiking so much that we had to restrict the complaining to one 5 minute interval per hour. She has also filed a claim for emotional and physical damages suffered to be compensated through the purchase of 1 Mulberry bag, 1 pair of Manolos and the guarantee that she never has to hike again. Never ever that is. What Emma really means is that she loved our trek through the Peruvian Andes and didn't mind using a toilet which consisted of a hole in the ground for 3 days.

The weather was typical Andes weather, hot during the day, freezing our asses off in our little tent during the night. Or as El Gato said: "The weather in the Peruvian Andes is as unpredictable as the mood of the Peruvian women". Well-spoken.

So after a three day hike, a quick bus ride and a fantastic train-ride from Ollantaytambo we made it to Aguas Calientes, the final stop before Machu Picchu. After sleeping outside for 2 nights, we slept as babies in our otherwise crappy hotel. Special mention for the "wake-up call" which consisted of knocking on all doors, regardless if you wanted a wake-up call or not. The knock on our door arrived at 03:30. Well in time for us to get in line for the first bus to Machu Picchu at 04:00. We made it onto the 3rd bus, which left Aguas Calientes at 05:30 and got us to Machu Picchu just before 06:00. 

Well-hidden between the Andean mountains, Machu Picchu is a magical place. Dependent on who you believe, Machu Picchu was either an Inca hide-away in times of war, or a holiday resort for the Inca rich and famous. It gave me an incredible desire to watch all Indiana Jones films again (the place was discovered by an American professor from Yale in 1911, who didn't waste any time in shipping most of the artifacts to the Yale museum in the US). We saw the sun come up at 07:00. It was fantastic and definitely the highlight of our trip.

Machu Picchu, literally means "old mountain" or as I found out the hard way, "old penis" when pronounced with a Dutch accent. There also is a Huayna Picchu or "young mountain", which (G)emma and I climbed as well (special mention for Gemma here for trying to push me off the summit in order to get the perfect photo shoot opportunity).

After having spent most of the day at Machu Picchu we made our way back to Cusco for some late night clubbing at Myhtology and Ukuku's. Once we recovered from our "hangovers from hell", we boarded a flight for Lima where we finished our South America trip in style: we went for a coca pisco sour and some ceviche together with our New Best Friend Erika at La Mar restaurant.

This completes our South American adventures. We spent an amazing month here, eating big steaks in Buenos Aires, risking our lives while sand-boarding in Chili, escaping dynamite-throwing miners in Bolivia and finishing it all with seeing the sun come up at Machu Picchu. It was a truly fantastic experience. We loved every minute of it. And Emma wants to go on the record that her favourite part was the 3-day hike through the Peruvian Andes....

Next stop: Destination #12: Weddings in Israel.